I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
