i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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