Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
