my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
