Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
