Are we in a gay sports bar?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
