you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
