Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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