I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
