At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
