It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
