is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
