as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
