I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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