if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
