Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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