Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
