I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
