BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
