i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Panties = found
Randomize
