you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
