i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
