we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize