At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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