FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
