Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh god it's open bar.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
