Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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