According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
