I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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