peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
