Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
