do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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