Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
