oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
