You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
