if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
