I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hippo gnu deer
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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