So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
