Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
