I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
