So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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