I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize