I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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