4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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