so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
