I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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