:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
