That's intense
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
A+ Viking dick
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