I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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