Porn is love you can see.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
