well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
