Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
