i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
