don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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