super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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