He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
