what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
