You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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