Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In other news, I just burned my penis
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
