I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
