How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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