We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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