remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize