i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
