mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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