oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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