"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
