Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
