Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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