i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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